As we all adjust and then readjust as asked to the current life situation we find ourselves in, it isn’t surprising that some of us may struggle to manage difficult and sometimes upsetting feelings.
We are facing uncertainty in ways we haven’t known before. This means accepting that there are some things beyond our control and that what we can control is sometimes limited. Struggling to come to terms with this may lead to feelings of helplessness which can then affect our ability to focus and function effectively.
To function and focus well, we need to feel that we have some control over what happens to us. The best way to achieve a feeling of autonomy and self control is through empowering our minds (our controllers). Understanding how our mind works can help by providing us with the knowledge and tools to be able to live productive and effective lives.
If we think of our mind as having three views. Birds eye view, ground level view and underground view; it helps to explain when and why we dwell in one or other of those three positions and what is happening when we do.
The birds eye view allows as to see things from above, from this perspective we are in control and can make decisions based on knowing our options from the vantage point of seeing all perspectives. When we are in this mind state we are creative, there is a natural flow to what we do that doesn’t seem to involve concentrated thinking.
Ground level view is where we are when we are working, learning and engaging well in life and social situations. Here we use what we know to get things done and problem solve. This is where we and most of those around us spend the majority of our time. From this place we can take in information and respond to it accordingly.
When our minds are functioning from these two vantage points, things generally run smoothly. We can adapt to what is needed and expected of us, having the advantage of clarity and clear vision.
The underground view is where we disappear to when we are scared, anxious, angry or upset. From this position it is almost impossible to see clearly because the thinking part of the mind isn’t engaged anymore. This is survival mind, a life saving position if we are in danger and need our instincts to kick in fast, but not so helpful when we go there too easily or get stuck there for too long.
We will all, at times, find ourselves going underground. Physical signs that we are there include, sweating, heart racing, upset stomach and the inability to think clearly. But the problem isn’t in going underground, it is in getting stuck and immobilised there that the problem lies.
We can sometimes find ourselves underground through someone else going there first. Everyone will be able to think of a time, perhaps at school, home, with friends, where they observed someone becoming angry, scared, panicked or irrational. When one person goes underground, their inability to think rationally can impact those around them. Their high emotion can ignite something in another person (adult or young person) and before you know it, both are underground and unable to think clearly enough to pull themselves back out.
We can come back to a higher viewpoint-mind by using a certain set of skills.
The first skill is to be aware that you (or someone else) has gone there. Knowing and recognising the signs of someone going underground is really helpful in keeping yourself on ground level and not disappearing there with them. Knowing and being aware gives us a lot of control over our mind state.
The second skill is to practice deep breathing, slow breathes in and even slower ones out. This instantly calms and regulates the emotional mind, putting you back in control of yourself. (Practice to be prepared for when you need it).
Preparing comforting and encouraging statements that you can repeat to yourself when you feel yourself going underground will enable you to reassure and comfort yourself. Examples could be:- I am safe and in control of myself, I have managed situations like this before and I know I can do the same now, I am strong and capable. He/she is upset and has gone underground, I know that, so choose not take offence or get upset too. (Think carefully and choose words that will work for you, make sure that everything you say to yourself is kind and compassionate).
Ground yourself. This means helping yourself out of a panic state and back into a mindset where you can think and function clearly. The first step is to notice and internally name four things you can see in your surroundings, e.g. a clock on the wall, a cushion etc. The second step is to pay attention to what you can hear and pick out three sounds both near and far. Thirdly, check into your body and notice two sensations, these could be, the feeling of a watch strap on your wrist, your back supported by the chair or the heat of your hands resting on your legs. This might sound strange but by enlisting the help of your senses you can quickly come back up to a higher state of mind where thinking is clearer and functioning possible again.
For some people, bringing themselves up to ground level is easy and natural, for others it is much harder. Recognising and practicing regulating your emotions is the most helpful thing you can do for your mind. If your controller is in control you will feel stronger knowing that you can help yourself ( and others) out when you need to.
