What is there to say at a time such as this, where what we are being told to do is changing daily? Where the things we took as certainties, such as going to school, being able to get on the tube to go to work, are suddenly not certainties anymore.
Neuroscience tells us that uncertainty can lead to fear which in turn triggers the survival part of the brain, (the flight, flight or freeze response). Of course there will be apprehension at this time, how could there not be, amidst so much upheaval. This may well lead to behaviour that is difficult to make sense of....and that’s all of us, not just the younger ones! Suddenly we are spending more time together, feelings perhaps running high and tempers becoming frayed. So what can we do to get through this sanely, in a way where we are not just surviving but actually thriving!
Firstly, we need to acknowledge that how we are feeling at this time is understandable and that what we internally experience and how we react, varies from person to person. As adults in children’s/teenagers lives, it is important that we somehow manage and regulate our own emotions and feelings (as best we can), so that we can help them to regulate and balance theirs.
Make time and space for worries and feelings to be expressed. Although our instincts tell us to reassure and make promises that everything will be alright, try and stick to the facts and give as much information as you can. Validate fears, worries etc, (resist labelling fears as silly).
If we can think of behaviour as a means of communication a lot more may be understood. E.g. fighting, arguing, bolting are all survival responses. When someone is reacting from this brain state, talking and asking them to calm down is not helpful. Instead, let the person know that you understand that they are upset/angry and that you know it is hard for them. Let the moment pass before trying to talk the matter through later.
Lower expectations. At this time, when everyone is feeling unsure, make allowances for feelings and expect things to be unsettled for a while. Routines might not run smoothly so try and accept that.
Make home feel like a safe and relaxing place.
Take breaks from watching, reading, or listening to news stories, including social media.
Take care of your body. Look up a mindfulness app and give it a go. Take some long slow and calming breaths. Try to eat healthily and exercise regularly. Try and get the right amount of sleep and spend sometime, if possible, outside in the sun.
As with everything in life, there is always going to be a way to gain something positive from a difficult experience. If there is one thing that everyone can do, child or adult it is to be kind, to give another person the benefit of the doubt. Acknowledge and let a behaviour or cross word go where you normally wouldn’t. These are the times to pull together and try, where possible to see the other persons perspective before asking them to understand
